Susskins Central Dispatch

And how we later regret certain trends

I love LP Cover Lover. It’s a compendium (I love that word) of old, odd and frightening album covers from years gone by.

This one’s a doozy. Keep away from open flames, girls!

I has them

Went to the doctor yesterday for my semi-annual checkup. Gave a couple test tubes of blood, peed in a cup, and officially have excellent results. My A1C is 5.5, which is normal. My creatinine and microalbumin levels are also normal, which means that my stupid knobby kidneys* are actually performing just as they should. I’m down six pounds from my last visit as well, so everything is marching along as it should.

For all the physical problems I have, I’m actually about as healthy as a human could expect to be. Go me.

*For those that don’t know, I have Polycystic Kidney Disease. My kidneys have cysts. Benign, clearly-delineated cysts that are causing no significant problems. Again, for all the physical problems I have, I’m pretty darn healthy.

No, it doesn’t mean anything.

Groggy. Head full of chopped brown paper. That’s how I’ve felt lately. Ennui-ridden, crabby, overwhelmed. Tired of it.

Fred and I went for a drive tonight. Helped enormously. He’s so sweet to me, and helps me over these dark brown patches in my life. And boy are there dark brown patches in my life.

I suffer from depression. Always have, always will. (There’s a history of it in my family.) I take meds that help, but they certainly don’t eliminate it. So I have to keep grinding at my emotional issues, wearing them down while they build up in other areas.

I suppose that’s just life, and everyone has that to some degree or other. But I have it to the point where it’s sometimes almost crippling.

Feh. I’m not about to check out just yet. Despite my moody ways, I actually have a pretty good life. So I’ll stick around for the long haul.

Fuck you, life. You haven’t beaten me yet!

Incidentally, Cold Stone Creamery is wonderful for beating depression. How can you be depressed when you have a bowl of chocolate ice cream with caramel and marshmallow cream already pre-mixed in it?

Tranquil, tranquil, tranquil, ODD…

Was fooling around in Google Maps just a bit ago, and noticed the surreal bit of I-80 that runs through the Great Salt Flats in Utah. I think I’ve posted about this before, but it’s worth talking about again.

My brother Wayne and I crossed that stretch of road in the eighties. It’s about fifty miles of perfectly level, perfectly straight Interstate that runs across a perfectly level, perfectly straight plain. It takes less than an hour to cross, but the hypnotic quality of the drive magnifies that amount of time. When you hit it, you can see the beginnings of the Sierra Nevada mountains on the horizon. After what seems like an hour, the mountains are still on the horizon as if you’ve been standing still. It’s a real brain-burner to cross. (It’s no wonder the ill-fated Donner Party folks met their tragic end after crossing the flats.)

And then in the middle of it, you pass this.

I suspect that that particular section of highway produces more “what the fuck?!?” comments than any other section in the nation.

or avoid eating, if necessary

Another fun exercise in bloggy cooperation. Found via Michele over at A Big Victory, here’s a list from Very Good Taste, detailing 100 Things you should eat before you die. VGT says to do the following:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.

Fine by me. Here we go.

1. Venison – Deer am delicious.
2. Nettle tea – Never considered that you could make tea out of nettles. Not high on my list, but wouldn’t turn it down
3. Huevos rancheros – This has always sounded good to me, but I’ve never bothered.
4. Steak tartare – NO. I like rare beef, but I draw the line at raw. I’ve seen Dad make Tiger Meat, which is basically raw hamburger with onions and peppers in it, and it looked absolutely repellent.
5. Crocodile – While not technically crocodile, I have had alligator so I’m counting this one. It was pretty bland.
6. Black pudding – Yep. I had a Full English breakfast at a small hotel in England, and made sure that they included black pudding in there. Think slices of black salami, lightly fried. (It’s actually a type of blood sausage.) Okay, but not something I’ll ever eat again.
7. Cheese fondue – I’ve never done fondue.
8. Carp – I’ve never done carp.
9. Borscht – I’ve never done borscht. Not particularly enamored of beets or of soup, so unlikely to try this. But not ruling it out.
10. Baba ghanoush – Never seen it. Would be willing to try it, though when I was a kid I would have been totally frightened off.
11. Calamari – MORE CALAMARI PLEASE
12. Pho – I’ve tried it. Not particularly fond of it. Again, not particularly enamored of soup.
13. PB&J sandwich – Blech. Stupid jelly screwing up a perfectly good peanut butter sandwich.
14. Aloo gobi – Had to look this one up. It’s basically a dry Indian curry made with potatoes and cauliflower. I’d try it.
15. Hot dog from a street cart – I’ve had more than a few workday lunches at one of these.
16. Epoisses – Not a cheese fan, so unlikely to try this pungent cheese. But not refusing.
17. Black truffle – I’ve never had the occasion, but I’d love to try truffles.
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes – I’ve tried wine off and on, and have generally been sorry. I’m just not a wine drinker. While I wouldn’t turn this down, I also wouldn’t go out of my way to try it.
19. Steamed pork buns – I’ve had Dim Sum, which this is part of. Kinda gross and doughy.
20. Pistachio ice cream – Haven’t tried this, despite having tried all sorts of ice creams.
21. Heirloom tomatoes – I’m going to go with no on this one, because I hate fresh tomatoes. I like sauces and the like, but I am never going to try these.
22. Fresh wild berries – Grew up picking plums, sand cherries, mulberries and the like.
23. Foie gras – HELL NO. Liver is disgusting.
24. Rice and beans – LOVE THIS
25. Brawn, or head cheese – Let’s just put this in the same box as the foie gras and steak tartare.
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper – Not into having my head blown off, thank you. My days of scorching hot food are behind me.
27. Dulce de leche – Very nice, but not really for me. EDIT: whoops, got this confused with Tres Leches cake. I’ve never tried dulce de leche, but it sounds yummy.
28. Oysters – Too much like a little wad of snot, thanks.
29. Baklava – Good. Flakey. Sticky.
30. Bagna cauda – Another lookup. It’s a warm dip made with anchovies and garlic, and served with vegetables. No thanks on all counts.
31. Wasabi peas – Haven’t had the occasion, and not rushing out to buy them. But I wouldn’t turn down a free opportunity.
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl – I’ve had clam chowder, but not in a breadbowl. While not likely to happen, I won’t close the door entirely on this.
33. Salted lassi – A frothy yogurt drink from India. I’ll have to try this. It sounds intriguing.
34. Sauerkraut – Great with beef ribs, or on a brat with german mustard.
35. Root beer float – HEAVEN
36. Cognac with a fat cigar – No and no.
37. Clotted cream tea – I’ve been around regions in England that feature this, and haven’t tried it. Stupid of me. I blame my pal Mike.
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O – I’m in the midwest. Who hasn’t tried jell-o shots around here?
39. Gumbo – OH YEAH BABY.
40. Oxtail – It wouldn’t surprise me if Mom snuck this in on us, but I don’t think I’ve tried it. She once roasted a beef heart, and the resulting chorus of disgust made her really mad.
41. Curried goat – No chance of this so far. Won’t rule it out.
42. Whole insects – No. Just not going there. Gag-a-rama.
43. Phaal – A curry that’s even hotter than Vindaloo, which I’ve had. (And which finally made me swear off super-hot food. Man, that hurt.) I’ll never order it, but I wouldn’t turn down a bite or two if someone offered it.
44. Goat’s milk – I’ve had goat’s cheese, but that’s not quite the same. So no. So far, at least.
45. Malt whiskey from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more – Hate whiskey, so even if offered, I would turn this down. Don’t waste your expensive whiskey on me, because I won’t like it anyway.
46. Fugu – Not had, not likely to have. I suppose I can’t say for sure until I’ve been in the situation, but I’m reasonably certain that I’d refuse to eat this wildly poisonous fish. Not into those kinds of risks.
47. Chicken tikka masala – I haven’t tried this, but would like to.
48. Eel – Might as well offer me the whole bugs again.
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut – Hot off the line. The things actually melt when you eat them. Heavenly. These have to be eaten hot for the real deal. Sadly, the last Krispy Kreme in Minnesota has closed. If you’re ever near a Krispy Kreme and the “HOT DONUTS NOW” sign is lit, stop and get three or four regular glazed donuts immediately, and eat them on the spot. They’re amazing. And if you think you can’t eat that many donuts at one sitting, you’ll surprise yourself. Like I said, they actually melt when you eat them. Trust me.
50. Sea urchin – Won’t say never. So I’ll just say “not bloody likely”.
51. Prickly pear – No opportunity so far, but I’d try them.
52. Umeboshi – a small pickled plum, basically. Haven’t run across them.
53. Abalone – Worth a try. I’ve tried conch, so I might as well try these.
54. Paneer – A south-Asian cheese. Not rushing out for this, but would try it.
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal – I will never have one of these, because I detest pickles and onions on my hamburger.
56. Spaetzle – Mmmmm. Good stuff, that.
57. Dirty gin martini – Not a fan of gin, but I’d try this just to verify that I wouldn’t like it.
58. Beer above 8% ABV – Same as the gin martini. I’d try a taste, but I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t like this either.
59. Poutine – Fries, cheese curds and brown gravy. Holy hell, why have I not seen this before?
60. Carob chips – Delicious, in much the same manner as tree bark.
61. S’mores – You know, I’ve never actually had these. I know all about them, but have never gotten around to making them.
62. Sweetbreads – Good, if you like a lump of fried fat.
63. Kaolin – A stomach-soothing type of clay. Yes, really. If you’ve had Kaopectate before 1990, you’ve had this without knowing it.
64. Currywurst – Sounds frightening and delicious at the same time.
65. Durian – Reputed to be the stinkiest fruit in the world. Not sure whether I’d go there or not.
66. Frogs’ legs – I’ve seen them eaten; they’re like miniature chicken drumsticks. Again, not sure whether I’d go there or not.
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake – I LOVES ME SOME FUNNEL CAKE.
68. Haggis – Swing and a miss. Not interested in suet and oatmeal in a sheep’s bladder.
69. Fried plantain – Good, but not great.
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette – God, no. For crying out loud, these have been marinating in SHIT.
71. Gazpacho – There’s that soup thing again.
72. Caviar and blini – No to fish eggs. There is a family story that I once ate frog eggs, but I’ve never been able to figure out if they were joking or not.
73. Louche absinthe – For all the hoopla that surrounds Absinthe, you’d think the stuff made your dick grow five inches. I wouldn’t turn it down, but I’m not exactly banging on the Absinthe door trying to get in.
74. Gjetost, or brunost – Strange stuff, that. Like a cheese that’s trying to be a nut butter.
75. Roadkill – Okay, this is just stupid. I suppose this includes deer, but really it just conjures up images of a flat skunk on the shoulder.
76. Baijiu – A chinese liquor. Haven’t tried it.
77. Hostess Fruit Pie – Few things are as trashy-good as a Hostess Fruit Pie. And as regrettable after the fact.
78. Snail – Not ruling it out. Weird, but not ruling it out.
79. Lapsang souchong – I can’t remember for certain, but I believe I’ve tried this type of tea.
80. Bellini – I want to try this. It’s basically a sparkling wine and peach-slurry cocktail.
81. Tom yum – You people and your soups.
82. Eggs Benedict – I suppose I should break down and actually try this someday.
83. Pocky – I see them in my supermarket, but have yet to give them a try.
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant. – Unlikely. I don’t think I’ve ever been near a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef – Also unlikely. I get the impression that it’s not worth the cost.
86. Hare – Haven’t had hare specifically, but I’ve had rabbit. Close enough. We’ll count this as a YES.
87. Goulash – We were raised on something we called goulash, but it wasn’t what the rest of the world calls goulash. Real goulash is basically a Hungarian beef stew.
88. Flowers – I’ve had a salad with Nasturtiums in it. They were pleasantly peppery.
89. Horse – Just can’t do it. Can’t eat National Velvet.
90. Criollo chocolate – Seeing as it’s a very expensive type of chocolate, I’m reasonably certain that I’ve never had it.
91. Spam – Done with this stuff.
92. Soft shell crab – Haven’t tried this, but am looking forward to it.
93. Rose harissa – A north African hot sauce. Would be willing to try it.
94. Catfish – Haven’t tried catfish, but would. Not exactly high on the list, though.
95. Mole poblano – A good mole (pronounced MO-lay) is a wondrous thing. It’s a Mexican sauce. The usual one has chocolate in it, which is quite a surprise if you’re not ready for it. It’s a savory sauce used on meats. Delicious stuff.
96. Bagel and lox – Hate salmon.
97. Lobster Thermidor – There’s a restaurant near my job that serves Lobster Thermidor. For $50. Fuck you, restaurant.
98. Polenta – It’s corn meal mush, for chrissake.
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee – Coffee is the work of the devil.
100. Snake – I once told my sister that I would try snake. Let me revise that by saying that I wouldn’t try snake.

The junior high kids love this course

I’ve never seen such a, well, suggestive hole on a mini-golf course.

I’m trying to think of an “every 28 days” joke, but they all seem too obvious.

Hopefully it will end just as quickly

Just spent an hour and a half on a Twin Cities metro bus. Road closed two blocks before the ramp out of downtown Minneapolis. No clear signs of why. Lots of firetrucks, police, yellow tape. Traffic routed through already overloaded side streets.

I have no idea if this was because of the RNC or the protesters. But I’ll bet it was.

Plus this; I generally don’t blog about work, as that’s a great way to get fired. So I’ll just refer to this in a fairly oblique way. Today we started receiving a flood of email relating to the arrests made around the RNC a couple of days ago. I won’t go into detail, other than to say it involves one particular shit-disturber who was arrested. I’m going to be very pissed if I come in to a crippled email system tomorrow morning, and have to spend the day repairing the damage.

Stupid hippies.